Welcome to the Auto-Flame
Rant-O-Matic Page

We've noticed that much storage space in Usenet is devoted to "flames" (aka rants). Our modest solution, in true cyber tradition, is the automation of such redundant, pointless blather.

Why waste bandwidth/disk storage space, and risk carpel tunnel syndrome typing such messages, when you can use our Auto-Flame Rant-O-Matic utility? All you need to do is fill in the blanks and E-mail this generic flame/rant to the object of your disapproval. This way, you can save time and effort in your day-to-day ranting.

To use this utility, just cut & paste the following text into a text editor, fill in the blanks, and send. (You can also copy this to a word processor that supports list-processing to completely automate your rants.)

For those of you new to the Usenet/Web, this utility will allow you to rant like the "oldtimers" right out of the chute. They'll never know you just logged on to AOL for your 15 free hours.

begin - cut here [Auto-Flame Rant-O-Matic]

To: [recipient]

How could you be so ignorant of the details of [subject] ? You obviously don't have the insight, expertise, omniscient knowledge that I have of [subject] . Let me set you straight. Only a total [descriptive noun] would say that [quote referenced posting]. I, on the other hand, have known that [correction of referenced posting] since [month/day/year]. Why don't you just [colorful action verb phrase] and take along the other [descriptive noun (plural)] people like you!

P.S.: If you continue to [offensive action or thought], I'll be forced to [outrageous empty threat] to teach you and all those like you a lesson, once and for all.

[fill in signature]

end - cut here [Auto-Flame Rant-O-Matic]

The truly perceptive reader will notice that this is a rant about rants (recursive rant). As all good programmers know, a recursive algorithm without a stopping case continues until the stack overflows, crashing the program. (Witness the infinite recursive rants on Usenet). If anyone knows of a good stopping case to end recursive ranting, please let us know, and we'll include it in the Rant-O-Matic. We hope to include a Forms-based version of this soon, to facilitate the ranting process for the user.

Guidelines for effective ranting:

  1. The smaller the nit, the better the picking.
  2. Spelling/grammar/knowledge mean nothing. It's the force of your convictions that count.
  3. Don't be afraid to say things that would get you either beat-up, kicked-out, or completely ignored in any normal social situation. This is cyber-space.


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Page created by: rcp@ma.ultranet.com
Changes last made on: Sat Jul 27 10:31:07 1996
Copyright © 1996 Rhythmically Correct Productions